I made dinner for the two of us and when it was all done, I called Kristen in from the other room. “Tonight, I want to try eating at the dining room table for once.” She sighed loudly, “Mom, I have a ton of homework to do tonight. Can’t we try this dining room table out another night? I mean really, we never use it any other night, but of course you want to use it the one night I could actually spend the time doing homework while eating.” Without raising my voice, I stated the obvious, “Kristen, you can do your homework later. If you try eating while doing your homework, you will either spill something on your books, or you will have to stop to eat anyhow. So let’s just sit here together for the next 30 minutes and share a meal and some conversation. You might as well get used to the idea, because it’s what I want tonight and it’s the way we are going to do it. Sooo, what was the deal in the market today? One second you are all angry depressed teenager, the next, you are skipping up with a smile one mile wide and handing me the soda. What did I miss in those few moments it took you to go get the soda?” “Ok, so you are telling me that I have to sit here and endure dinner with you long enough for me to eat AND you want to have conversation too? Why don’t we start with you, instead of me? Why have you been so sick lately? Why have you been late 3 times in the last 2 days?” I looked at her and decided not to feed into her sour mood, well not directly into it anyhow. “Well Kristen, I don’t know what it is that made me sick, I have no idea if it is something that was going around or something I ate the other night.” Under her breath I hear her say, “Probably just a hangover.” This just pissed me off. “First of all, I don’t go out with my friends very often, and when I do, you are usually with me. I am not one of those parents who goes out drinking and partying all the time, my world revolves around you first, not me first. I’m sick and tired of this attitude you keep giving me. I do so much for you and all I get in return is smart-alecky comments and criticism. This is ridiculous! Show me some damn respect; I feel that I deserve that at least.”
By this point Kristen realized her mistake. I wasn’t willing to put up with her crap tonight. Teenager or not, there are boundaries and I went out of my way tonight to be nice to her and make a nice dinner for us and give us some bonding time; for her to just throw it all up in my face. At this point, we could have sat at that table for the next 30 minutes in silence eating and I wouldn’t have said another word to her, because obviously she was only interested in causing a ruckus. Out of nowhere, Kristen said, “Mom, I’m sorry. I had a really bad day at school today. I told one of the girls who I liked and she proceeded to tell the entire class. I really knew better than to say anything to her, but maybe I just wanted to tell someone. Anyhow, now everyone in school knows that I like Brett, including Brett.” She paused for what I can assume is dramatic effect; “That’s who I saw at the grocery store, Brett. At first I totally thought he was going to say something mean to me, but instead he told me that I shouldn’t worry about the other kids at school, he doesn’t really listen to what they say anyway. Then he told me… that if it was true that I liked him, he thought I was pretty cute and would ask me to the movies this weekend. To which I of course replied, that I would LOVE to go to the movies with him this weekend. He had me write my number on his hand so he could call me. I’ve been waiting all night for him to call, but he hasn’t yet. I’m worried that it was all just part of the joke now.”
The only thing I could think to say was “Wow.” “I guess first things first, thank you for telling me what happened today. I’m sorry about that stupid girl telling your secrets, but you need to learn not to come home and take all that crap out on me like you tend to do. Second, I wouldn’t worry about him not calling you tonight, it’s only Tuesday and he said he wanted to go out with you this weekend. So if he doesn’t call you by Thursday, or say something to you about it at school, you really have nothing to worry about. I guess that brings us to the point of discussing if you are allowed to date yet? I don’t think we’ve ever covered that ground.” I held up my hand, “Before you interrupt me, let me finish. I know that my parents were very over protective and didn’t let me go out and do things that other kids my age were doing, so I rebelled. I don’t want that same thing to happen with you. I trust you and think that it would be ok if you were to go out on a group date. I think that for your first date it should be a couple of you guys going out together, not just you by yourself with this boy that I’m just now hearing about. So it’s not a no, it’s just a yes with conditions. I’m assuming that you will need someone to take you guys and pick you up, so I will even offer to be the parent to do both, if his parents aren’t able to do one or the other. Deal?” Her face lit up because she knew she had me. “Thanks mom; that would be great! I’ll ask the girls to go with us and we can go as a group together. Do you think we could go to the Marketplace, so that way we can hang out there and get something to eat before we go to the movies? Will you give me some money too, so he doesn’t have to pay for me? I don’t think it’s right to have a boy pay for the first date, unless it’s tickets to a school dance, then it’s ok because the girl has to spend so much money on the dress and makeup and hair.” I just smiled back at her. Geez, she was growing up fast. My little baby going on her first date. “That’s fine, just let me know what the plans are. I can sit up to 3 kids in the back and one in the front, if there’s more than that, the others will have to get their own ride. Well, I guess you could sit in the middle and we could squeeze in one more person in the front if we needed to.” She shrieked and ran over to my side of the table, “thank you, thank you, thank you mommy. You are the best mom in the whole wide world!” I laughed back, “You’re just saying that now because you are getting what you want. Remember that when I’m telling you no about something else that you want. Now go sit down and finish your dinner.” God I hoped that this boy wasn’t just playing her for a fool. If he was, I don’t know what I’d do, but it wouldn’t be nice. Being on the PTA did have some advantages, I just didn’t know what they were until now.
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