Time for a check up.

   It seemed like I had just gone to sleep when Kristen was at my bed shaking me awake the next morning.  “Mom, come on, get up.  Jeez, isn’t this supposed to be you trying to get me out of bed in the morning, not the other way around.  Get up already!”  “Ok, ok, I’m awake, I’m getting up.  I’m getting up.  What time is it?”  “You’ve only got 30 minutes to get ready now.  I tried getting you up an hour ago, but you just kept ignoring me.”

   I literally rolled myself out of bed and trudged into the bathroom.  I turned on the shower and got in, only noticing after I started to soap my body that I had forgotten to take off my clothes before getting into the shower.  Something was not right.  This was not normal for me to be this tired all the time.  I needed to call the doctor and have a physical done maybe there was some other reason I was so tired all the time.  Low iron count or something; maybe I just needed to start taking some vitamins daily. 

   Jumping out of the shower as quickly as possible, I threw on some clean clothes, ran a brush through my hair and looked at my disheveled appearance in the mirror.  I had some major black circles under my eyes, but no time to spend using my makeup to hide them.  Kristen was already annoyed with me and I didn’t need to give this particular teenager another reason to give me attitude just now.  I slipped on my ballet shoes and hurried into the living room, grabbing my purse and keys off the counter.  She was already standing by the front door tapping her foot.  I glanced at the clock and said, “I still have 2 minutes left,” as I yanked open the front door and strode out towards the car.  Luckily she didn’t say a word to me the entire ride to her school.  I’m not sure just what would have happened at that moment if she had.  I was tired, cranky and at that point sure that I had done everything I could to make sure to get her to school at the time she wanted to be there, so it probably would have been a monstrous fight on our hands. 

   I pulled up in front of her school with minutes to spare.  She opened the door and got out without saying a word.  At first I was really annoyed, but thought better of it.  It was probably better that way.  At least we couldn’t fight if neither one of us talked to one another.   I debated on going back home to put on some makeup to hide some of the circles under my eyes and at least attempt to make myself look presentable, but decided against it.  I was going to see if I could get an appointment with the doctor today and this would help make my case with my boss that I needed to take a little time in order to go.  Just look at me, I looked like a hot mess!

All about Brett

  After dinner was done, Kristen went back to her homework and I started cleaning up the mess and piling the dishes into the dishwasher.  When I was done, the first thing on my list was to call one of the other board members and see if she knew anything about this kid Brett.  Since I had a girl, I knew about some of the other girls at the school, but really not that much about the boys.  Like I said before, being on the PTA did have its perks.  I closed the dishwasher and walked out to the living room and leaned down to Kristen who had her headphones blaring so loud that I could hear every word of the song she was listening to.  I easily plopped one of the earbuds out of her ear.

  “Kristen, we’ve had this discussion before.  You need to turn your headphones down.  It’s not good for your hearing for you to have them up that loud.  I don’t want to argue about this, please just turn them down.  I’m tired and am going to go to bed.  I don’t want you staying up too much later, it’s already a quarter to 9.  Do you have much homework left?”  She glanced back towards her books calculating in her head.  “Well, I have a little more Spanish left and then some Geometry homework, but I should be done in about 30 minutes or so, then I’m going to take my shower and get in bed.  I’d like to get to school a little early tomorrow so I can meet with Mr. Alexander and get a little help with my Math, if that’s ok with you.”  “I don’t have a problem taking you early, just wake me up if I’m not already up when you get up, so we aren’t late.  You know I’ve been dragging the last couple of days.”

  I walked down the hallway into my bedroom and closed the door.  I changed into a pair of yoga pants and a tank top and then grabbed my cell phone to call Cheryl to see what info she might have on this boy, Brett.  “Hey Cheryl, it’s Arianna.  Hi, how are you?  Oh, we’re fine thanks.  Sorry for calling so late, it’s been a pretty hectic last few days.  I’ve been sick with that stomach bug that’s been going around.  Had it something terrible, but I’m starting to feel better, more myself.  Hey the reason I’m calling is that Kristen came home today talking about some boy named Brett that she wants to go to the movies with this weekend, well it’s a group outing, but I have a feeling that she may like this boy Brett in particular.  Do you happen to know who he is and can you give me some details?”  There was a short pause and then it all came out in a woosh, “Oh, she must mean Brett Miller.  He’s a cute boy.  Very much into sports, get’s good grades, never heard about him ever getting into too much mischief.  His parents are nice and low-key.  They like doing family outings, going camping.  I think they even like riding dirt bikes like you guys do.  They moved here a couple of years ago from somewhere in California.  He has an older brother and I think 2 younger sisters.  They live not far from us as a matter of fact.  If the kids are going to the movies this weekend, let us know, Autumn has been dying to get out of the house and she’s driving me insane!”  “Hey thanks Cheryl, I’ll definitely let you know.  I’m sure Kristen will talk to her tomorrow about it, once they all figure out what they are going to do and what they want to see.  I know Kristen wants to go to the Marketplace and make a day of it.  Stop and get lunch and maybe hang out down there for a little while before the movie.  Alright, I better let you go.  Tomorrow is going to be an early morning for us.  Kristen needs some extra help with Math.  That girl has so much more drive when it comes to school than I ever did.  That’s for darn sure!”  “Goodnight Arianna.”  “Night Cheryl”

  I hung up my phone and rolled over on my bed.  I was tired, but not really ready for sleep.  I knew if I didn’t go to sleep soon, I was not going to be able to get up to take Kristen to school early in the morning.  If I turned the TV on to help me fall asleep, I’d probably just end up staying awake and watching whatever program was on TV.  Probably better to listen to my iPod.  I reached over to my nightstand and opened the drawer to pull it out and found “Mr. C’s” note again.  Man for such a crazy guy, he sure was hot, if my memory was good of that night.  Which really, I was buzzed, but not really totally drunk, I don’t think anyway.  I never remembered getting drunk enough before where I had passed out and couldn’t really remember what happened the night before.  I really had a high tolerance for alcohol.  So this whole experience for me was somewhat awkward.  I was starting to wonder if maybe he had slipped something in my drink?  Or someone else had and he was just worried that he would get in trouble for it?  Maybe I should call him to see what his reaction would be?  I heard Kristen’s book close in the living room and her walking down the hall towards her bedroom.  I looked at the clock and it was already 9:30 p.m.  I had thought about this for long enough.  I needed to grab my iPod and go to sleep.  I could think about this later.  Maybe I would decide to call him tomorrow.

  I turned my iPod on and tossed and turned in bed for over an hour before I finally closed my eyes and refused to open them again.  I don’t know how long I stayed that way before I finally fell asleep, but I know it was quite a while.  Counting sheep didn’t work, telling myself to go to sleep didn’t work.  Making my mind blank didn’t work.  I finally had just dozed off at somepoint thank heaven.

Can I go on a Date?

  I made dinner for the two of us and when it was all done, I called Kristen in from the other room.  “Tonight, I want to try eating at the dining room table for once.”  She sighed loudly, “Mom, I have a ton of homework to do tonight.  Can’t we try this dining room table out another night?  I mean really, we never use it any other night, but of course you want to use it the one night I could actually spend the time doing homework while eating.”  Without raising my voice, I stated the obvious, “Kristen, you can do your homework later.  If you try eating while doing your homework, you will either spill something on your books, or you will have to stop to eat anyhow.  So let’s just sit here together for the next 30 minutes and share a meal and some conversation.  You might as well get used to the idea, because it’s what I want tonight and it’s the way we are going to do it.  Sooo, what was the deal in the market today?  One second you are all angry depressed teenager, the next, you are skipping up with a smile one mile wide and handing me the soda.  What did I miss in those few moments it took you to go get the soda?”  “Ok, so you are telling me that I have to sit here and endure dinner with you long enough for me to eat AND you want to have conversation too?  Why don’t we start with you, instead of me?  Why have you been so sick lately?  Why have you been late 3 times in the last 2 days?”  I looked at her and decided not to feed into her sour mood, well not directly into it anyhow.  “Well Kristen, I don’t know what it is that made me sick, I have no idea if it is something that was going around or something I ate the other night.”  Under her breath I hear her say, “Probably just a hangover.”  This just pissed me off.  “First of all, I don’t go out with my friends very often, and when I do, you are usually with me.  I am not one of those parents who goes out drinking and partying all the time, my world revolves around you first, not me first.  I’m sick and tired of this attitude you keep giving me.  I do so much for you and all I get in return is smart-alecky comments and criticism.  This is ridiculous!  Show me some damn respect; I feel that I deserve that at least.” 

  By this point Kristen realized her mistake.  I wasn’t willing to put up with her crap tonight.  Teenager or not, there are boundaries and I went out of my way tonight to be nice to her and make a nice dinner for us and give us some bonding time; for her to just throw it all up in my face.  At this point, we could have sat at that table for the next 30 minutes in silence eating and I wouldn’t have said another word to her, because obviously she was only interested in causing a ruckus.  Out of nowhere, Kristen said, “Mom, I’m sorry.  I had a really bad day at school today.  I told one of the girls who I liked and she proceeded to tell the entire class.  I really knew better than to say anything to her, but maybe I just wanted to tell someone.  Anyhow, now everyone in school knows that I like Brett, including Brett.”  She paused for what I can assume is dramatic effect; “That’s who I saw at the grocery store, Brett.  At first I totally thought he was going to say something mean to me, but instead he told me that I shouldn’t worry about the other kids at school, he doesn’t really listen to what they say anyway.  Then he told me… that if it was true that I liked him, he thought I was pretty cute and would ask me to the movies this weekend.  To which I of course replied, that I would LOVE to go to the movies with him this weekend.  He had me write my number on his hand so he could call me.  I’ve been waiting all night for him to call, but he hasn’t yet.  I’m worried that it was all just part of the joke now.” 

  The only thing I could think to say was “Wow.”  “I guess first things first, thank you for telling me what happened today.  I’m sorry about that stupid girl telling your secrets, but you need to learn not to come home and take all that crap out on me like you tend to do.  Second, I wouldn’t worry about him not calling you tonight, it’s only Tuesday and he said he wanted to go out with you this weekend.  So if he doesn’t call you by Thursday, or say something to you about it at school, you really have nothing to worry about.  I guess that brings us to the point of discussing if you are allowed to date yet?  I don’t think we’ve ever covered that ground.”  I held up my hand, “Before you interrupt me, let me finish.  I know that my parents were very over protective and didn’t let me go out and do things that other kids my age were doing, so I rebelled.  I don’t want that same thing to happen with you.  I trust you and think that it would be ok if you were to go out on a group date.  I think that for your first date it should be a couple of you guys going out together, not just you by yourself with this boy that I’m just now hearing about.  So it’s not a no, it’s just a yes with conditions.  I’m assuming that you will need someone to take you guys and pick you up, so I will even offer to be the parent to do both, if his parents aren’t able to do one or the other.  Deal?”  Her face lit up because she knew she had me.  “Thanks mom; that would be great!  I’ll ask the girls to go with us and we can go as a group together.  Do you think we could go to the Marketplace, so that way we can hang out there and get something to eat before we go to the movies?  Will you give me some money too, so he doesn’t have to pay for me?  I don’t think it’s right to have a boy pay for the first date, unless it’s tickets to a school dance, then it’s ok because the girl has to spend so much money on the dress and makeup and hair.”  I just smiled back at her.  Geez, she was growing up fast.  My little baby going on her first date.  “That’s fine, just let me know what the plans are.  I can sit up to 3 kids in the back and one in the front, if there’s more than that, the others will have to get their own ride.  Well, I guess you could sit in the middle and we could squeeze in one more person in the front if we needed to.”  She shrieked and ran over to my side of the table, “thank you, thank you, thank you mommy.  You are the best mom in the whole wide world!”  I laughed back, “You’re just saying that now because you are getting what you want.  Remember that when I’m telling you no about something else that you want.  Now go sit down and finish your dinner.”  God I hoped that this boy wasn’t just playing her for a fool.  If he was, I don’t know what I’d do, but it wouldn’t be nice.  Being on the PTA did have some advantages, I just didn’t know what they were until now. 

Whiplash

  The day at worked definitely dragged on.. and on.. and on some more.  I didn’t spend my lunch with the girls talking about my Saturday evening, but instead spent it in the back seat of my truck sleeping.  I promised them the whole story tomorrow at lunch.  I think the fact that I looked like crap, coupled with the fact that none of them wanted to catch my bug, they were ok with that idea.  I did hear one of them ask the other, “She couldn’t be experiencing morning sickness this early on, could she?”  So obviously they didn’t believe me about nothing happening with the mysterious and weird Mr. C.

  As I thought of Mr. C, I realized that this is the first time I had thought of him since the day I found his weird note on the nightstand.  Weird, I would have expected for me to think of him many times over since that night.  He was very handsome, tall and muscular.  It was a shame that a man that looked that good was crazy in the head.  It was just my luck.  He probably had a good job too and made lots of money and could have Kristen and I living in the lap of luxury.  God, how my thoughts run away with me.  He probably hadn’t thought anything else about me after he left that night.  Me the drunk lady who brought him back to her house, let him in and then fell asleep, leaving him to his own devices.  I sure was lucky he wasn’t a rapist, murderer or thief.  Just a weirdo!  Those were my thoughts as I had drifted off to sleep at lunch time. 

  Finally about the time I was ready to leave for the day, I started feeling a little bit better a little more awake.  I saved my work, checked my email one last time and then shut down my computer for the day.  I had to go pick up Kristen from school and decide what I was going to make for dinner.  I had been totally remiss in that department the last few days that I really needed to make her a balanced meal for dinner.  A growing teenager needs to eat healthy at least some of the time.  I looked down at my watch to decide if I had enough time to stop by the market before I picked her up at school, which of course I didn’t.  It was probably better that way anyhow; she would want to have a say in whatever it was that I was cooking for dinner.  She had become picky as she got older, rather than less picky and willing to try things.  I personally thought she had it backwards, but what could I do.  I was just glad she was out of her vegan stage, because I was kind of craving red meat tonight.  I was craving it so much that I thought I might actually have to make 2 different things for dinner if she didn’t like the idea of steak for dinner. 

   I pulled up to her school 5 minutes before the bell rang and got into what I call the mommy traffic lane.  Where all of the mom’s park their big SUV’s and wait for the kids to come barreling out of school.  Not that I was knocking them for it, but it definitely would have been easier for Kristen and I if I had the option of being a stay at home mom.  Sometimes I wish it was that easy for me, and others I realize that they have other problems to deal with that I have never had to worry about.  I had nobody to answer to, or anyone to worry about but me and Kristen.  Sometimes having less worries is the lesser of the evils in my life.  I worked hard and so did my daughter.  She knew what it was like for me and I think it made her work even harder to get good grades in school and do all of her activities in hope of getting into an Ivy League school.  If it were up to me, she’d definitely get in, she’d been working all of her teenage life towards it, not going to parties and not doing the other things that get teens in trouble.  All in all, she was a pretty good kid.  The only thing I ever had a problem with her, was with her attitude and mouth, but I couldn’t blame that all on her, because she got those things from me.  Sometimes seeing yourself in someone else isn’t always a good thing. 

  Kristen came out to the car with a scowl on her face.  Uh-oh, this wasn’t going to be an easy night after all.  Just when I had thought we would have a nice quiet evening bonding, I remembered my comment to her out the window that morning.  Better to not push her, just let her come out and say what she was thinking when she was ready.  I smiled and said “Hi, hope you had a good day.  We’re going to stop by the store and pick up stuff to make dinner, so think about what you want on the ride there.”  She looked at me and huffed.  Tonight was definitely not going to be a fun night. 

  I let her sit and stew in her anger on the way to the grocery store and when we got out and grabbed a cart, I finally asked her, “Well, what did you decide on?  I was thinking steak.”  She harrumphed and responded in an annoyed voice, “I don’t really care what you make for dinner.  I’m not hungry anyway.”  Those words had me realizing it was more than just my teasing her this morning that had her in a bad mood.  She was upset with something or somebody else.  I quickly grabbed some steak, green beans and macaroni and cheese and headed to the checkout stand.  “Mom, we don’t have any soda at home, can I go grab a 2 liter?”  I looked over my shoulder at her and said “Sure, but hurry up”.  She quickened her pace towards the drink isle as I continued to the cashier.  I set my groceries on the belt as she came skipping up, with a bright smile on her face.  I really didn’t know what was going on now; these mood swings were going to give me whiplash.  She just smiled at me and put the soda on the belt.  I’d have to wait until we got to the car to ask her what happened.  I knew better than asking questions like that in public.  Maybe I should just wait until we reached home, who wanted to ruin a good mood?

Back to work

  Well my idea of making breakfast never came to fruition, because by the time I woke up the next morning, just a short 2 hours after I had fallen asleep, I didn’t feel like doing anything.  You would think that after I had slept all day the previous days, I would have racked up some extra sleep time and not been too tired, but nope, I was dragging horribly.  I hopped into the shower only to start drifting back to sleep standing up.  Today was definitely not going to be a fun day.  While I contemplated whether I was going to go into work that morning, my daughter yelled from the hallway, “Hurry up mom!  You’ve been in there for 30 minutes already!” 

  I quickly rinsed the conditioner out of my hair, at least I hoped I had already washed it, but didn’t have time to make sure.  Not to mention, the water was getting dreadfully cold.  I climbed out of the shower and wrapped the towel around my wet body.  I used my hand to wipe at the mirror, so I could see myself in the mirror.  Two days of sleep and I still had dark circles under my eyes.  There wasn’t much I could do about it, as I had only 15 minutes until I needed to leave to take Kristen to school.  I toweled my hair dry and walked into the bedroom to don my clothes.  I still had it in my head that I was going to make an effort to go into work today.  Maybe I wouldn’t last the whole day, but I was going to make an attempt either way.  I threw on a pair of black slacks and a blue sweater, ran the brush through my hair and brushed my teeth and was running out the door behind Kristen, who was already annoyed.  Neither of us were morning people, but me being late was a horrible thing, especially since it was becoming a normal thing for me.

  I dropped her off at school and after she slammed the car door, I rolled down the window to shout, “I love you, have a good day.”  She didn’t even look back, but I knew that one would cost me.  She would have been totally embarrassed by my showing of love; heck I would have been embarrassed at her age if my mother had done that to me.  There were only a handful of kids loitering about, but it wouldn’t matter, the damage was done and I had known what I was doing when I did it.  Even knowing that there would be consequences, I laughed and pulled away from the curb.  Maybe I should turn on the radio to a country station really loudly just to add the extra annoyance bonus.  No, maybe I should leave well enough alone and not cause any more friction that I had already wrought upon myself.  Teenagers, can’t live with them, can’t live without them. 

  I pulled into my work parking lot 10 minutes early and I was so tired.  I figured I could shake it off with a 10-15 minute power nap.  I set the alarm clock on my phone, grabbed a blanket out of the backseat of my car and put my seat back into a position I could lay down in.  A couple minutes and I would be right as rain, hopefully the fog that was in my brain now would clear up some. 

  I woke up not to the sound of my phone alarm, but to the sound of someone knocking on my window.  Donna peered through the window with an odd expression on her face.  I glanced at the clock and somehow it was showing that I had slept for an hour.  How the heck did I sleep through the darn alarm?  I repositioned the seat back into a sitting position and opened up the car door.  “Hey Donna, how are you?”  She gave me a wan smile and crossed her fingers with an ‘X’ saying “Stay away from me if you are still sick.  Why the heck did you come in if you are still sick?”  I smiled back and said honestly, “I hate to use my sick days for actual sick time, I like to save them up in case Kristen gets sick, or she has something going on at school that I need to attend.  I’m going to try to make it through as much of the day as I can.  I just hope that I can shake off this tired feeling.”  Donna gave a wan smile.  She had kids, so she knew what it was like to want to save her days off for them.  Even though she was married, if one of the kids got sick, it was her that stayed home with the sick child, not her husband.  I’m not sure it’s that way in every family, but I sure as heck would hope if I ever decided to get married again and have kids (big MAYBE), that my husband would share the duty of staying home with the sick baby.  Maybe if I was lucky, I would get to be a stay at home mom, with my only duties being on the PTA board.  Yeah, like that would ever happen. 

  Donna cleared her throat, “Well, if you are going to try to make it through the day, you at least need to get out of your car and go inside.”  We both gave a short laugh.  “I guess so, I’m just so darn drained, I feel like I haven’t slept in months and I slept the last 2 days away.”  She moved back so I could get out of the car and close the door, saying, “I have one of those energy drinks at my desk.  I keep it there for emergencies.  If you want it, it’s yours.”  I gave a sigh.  I really hated how those things tasted, but I really thought I needed it today, so I would have to choke it down regardless and see if it would help.  “Yeah, that would be great.  At this point, anything to help me keep awake, I’ll try.”  We walked into the back door of our building and down the long corridor to our office in silence. 

  I dropped my keys into my purse and my purse into the bottom drawer of my cubicle desk.  Donna popped her arm around the corner, extending out the energy drink she kept in her desk drawer for emergencies.  At least it was a small bottle and it read ‘Berry Flavored’ on the front, maybe this one wouldn’t be too terrible.  I screwed off the cap and tipped back the bottle.  It wasn’t horrible and I was fervently hoping that it would give me some energy to get my day started.  I yelled thank you to Donna over the cubicle walls, to which she replied, “No problem”.

  I booted up my computer which took 5 minutes for everything to come alive.  I opened up my email only to find that I had 73 new messages.  Uggh, way to start off a day that I had already hated before I even got out of bed.  There was nothing to do but to go through each one of them.  I opened the first message and got to work immediately.  At least with this much work, the day should go by fairly quickly.  Before I knew it, we would be going to lunch and then home.  At least I could hope it would be that easy.

Feeling better

  About 8pm that evening, I awoke feeling refreshed and pumped up.  Glad that it looked as if I was over my flu spell, I got up and went straight for the shower.  I took a long relaxing shower; shaved my legs even though they really didn’t feel as if they needed it, but nobody wants to be a prickly pear, even though I knew nobody would be feeling my legs but me. 

  Kristen was in the living room with the TV blaring and her head in one of her school books which was sitting on the coffee table.  It looked as if she had gotten every snack out that we had in the house and had them sitting all around her.  My stomach started growling as I looked at the empty wrappers.  Kristen looked up and smiled, “Feeling better mom?”  I responded back with a smile, “Yeah, much better.  Thank god.  I didn’t want to miss another day of work; I like to save those for vacation time with you in the summer.”   She nodded and looked back towards her books and the mess she had made.  “I’ve got so much homework tonight.  Every class had homework and one of my projects is due for Social Studies.  I have no idea what I’m doing with this Geometry work, so I’ll probably need you to take me to school early in the morning, so I can talk with Mr. Alexander.”   

  Knowing how hard she worked to keep all of her grades up and that she was taking the accelerated Math class, I had no problem taking her to school early to get extra help.  I knew that I couldn’t help her.  I had stopped taking Math after 9^th grade, when I took Algebra I.  I tried Geometry for about a week in 10^th grade, but realized very quickly that I didn’t like it and found that if I took Accounting classes, it counted towards my math credits, so that’s what I did.  Kristen was so driven towards doing well in school and had been talking the last couple years of going to an Ivy League college.  While that excited me, it also scared me.  I knew that I couldn’t afford it, so I knew she would have to work on getting scholarships and grants in order to go.  Anything I could do to help her get there, I would.

  I looked back to her on the floor at the coffee table and then went over to start picking up the mess of wrappers she had left behind.  She looked up again and said, “I’ll pick it up mom, after I’m done with my homework.”  I told her not to worry about it, I didn’t mind.  “You need to eat something real instead of this junk food.  You are a growing teenager.”  At that moment, my stomach growled again, I thought from the smell of the empty Doritos bag I had just picked up.  “It also looks like I’m hungry as well, especially since I haven’t eaten in the last day.  What do you want me to make you?”

  I knew better, from experience, than eating anything with any real substance after I had been so sick, was a really bad idea.  I decided to grab a can of soup out of the cupboard and poured it into a pan, adding the necessary water to the concentrated soup.  Chicken Noodle, isn’t that what you usually eat when you don’t feel good?  Kristen decided she wanted some Ramen noodles, which of course wasn’t much better than the junk food she’d already eaten, but I figured it didn’t hurt every once in a while to have junk food days.  I put her noodles in a bowl and turned on the microwave to heat it up.  When my chicken noodle soup was done, I poured a majority of it into a bowl and added a couple of ice cubes and repeated the task with Kristen’s Ramen noodles.  I took the bowl to her and added a can of Dr. Pepper for her to drink.  She briefly looked up, moved the noodles closer to her and started eating while reading at the same time. 

  I returned to the kitchen and grabbed my chicken noodle soup and headed to my bedroom to watch tv and eat.  I must have been more hungry than I had originally thought, because I ate the soup fast and my stomach still felt like I was starving myself.  It was already after 9pm and I hated to eat so late, so I figured it could wait until the morning when I had breakfast and since I was feeling so good, I would make a big breakfast for Kristen, with eggs, bacon and pancakes, her favorite. 

  I looked over at the nightstand and again saw that letter from ‘C’ looming there.  I grabbed it, and crumpled it up and threw it into the trashcan.  That was definitely a night I would like to forget.  Being stupid and making bad choices was definitely something I didn’t do often, but I didn’t relish the thought of reliving it when I saw the girls next.  Which reminded me; I never did call them on Sunday to tell them that everything was fine and I had made it home safe and sound.  Well at least, I had made it home.  I picked up my phone only to realize that there were over 50 text messages.  I open and read the first one, it was Donna.  “What the heck happened last night?  Why didn’t you call me when you got home?  You were crazy and I was crazy to let you go home with that Chris guy.”  I had similar messages from the other 4 girls and then the next messages which had come in later on Sunday were a little more frantic.  “Arianna, where the heck are you?  Are you ok?  Why aren’t you answering me?  I decided to send a note to all of them at once instead of writing 5 separate messages.  “I’m fine.  Chris brought me home safe and sound.  I guess I got the flu and have been sick in bed the last 2 days.  Everything is good and no need to worry.  Talk with you all this weekend about what happened, which was NOTHING.”  I sent the message and got back 5 replies in a matter of seconds.  Ranging from “Can’t believe you did that” to “glad you are feeling better, talk to you soon.” 

  I turned off the tv at around 2 am, knowing that I needed to get some sleep for the day ahead, only to toss and turn all night long.  Finally around 4:30 am I started to drift off to sleep.  Thinking as I looked at the clock that it was going to be a long day tomorrow.

Day One - The sickness

  The next morning I woke up to my alarm beeping loudly and my daughter yelling from across the house to turn my darn alarm off already.  Looking at the clock, it had been going off for a good 15 minutes now and I was in no way feeling up to getting out of bed just yet.  I felt as if maybe I had come down with something.  Knowing that either way, I still had to get up and make breakfast for Kristen and take her to school, I rolled out of bed and headed for the shower. 

  I don’t know how long I stood under the hot water of the shower, letting the water run down my body, but the next thing I knew the water was cold and Kristen was at the door yelling that I better hurry or she was going to be late to school.  I hurriedly toweled off and used my towel to wipe some of the steam off the mirror so that I could at least see enough to brush my hair.  That’s when I noticed the 2 small puncture wounds at the side of my neck, which immediately started to burn once I saw them.  I started dazedly at them wondering what the heck?  Trying to think back to what happened to give me these wounds.  Kristen started pounding on the door yelling, “I have 10 minutes to get to school and I can’t be late today, I have a test.”  I quickly threw on a t-shirt and pants and rushed out the front door with Kristen trailing right behind me.  Luckily her school was only 5 minutes away and I already knew that I would be calling in sick to work that day. 

  Just the rush to get out of the house and the short drive to Kristen’s school had really taken a toll on me.  I felt as if my limbs were jelly as I walked up to the front door.  As I attempted to put my key in the lock to open the door, the keys fell to the ground.  I sighed and rested my head against the door and looked down at the ground where my keys lay.  At that moment, I was willing my keys to magically float up and back into my hands, because I didn’t think I would be able to make it back up if I bent down to pick them up.  I’m not sure how long I stood there, but I finally heaved a big breath and bent down slowly to pick them up, while bracing myself against the door.  The way down wasn’t so bad, but coming back up took so much energy.  I clasped my keys in my hand a tightly as I was able and slowly slid the key into the lock and turned it.  Hauling myself through the door, I dropped everything on the floor right next to the door and trudged my way down the never ending hallway towards my bed.  I could almost hear it beckoning me to it soft lush pillows.  As I threw myself across the bed, I barely had enough forethought to place a call to my boss letting her know that I wouldn’t be in for the day, that I was very ill.  I knew she wouldn’t be happy, but I really didn’t care.  There was no way I could make it to work in the condition I was in.

  Hours later, I awoke to the phone ringing beside me.  Who could be calling to bug me, it felt as if I had just laid my head onto the pillows and fallen to sleep.  As my daughter’s aggravated voice came across the line, I immediately sprang awake.  “Mom, where are you?  I’ve been waiting 15 minutes already!”  I quickly replied that I would be right there and ran out to the living room almost glad that I had thrown everything down next to the door, meaning that I didn’t need to go searching for my purse, keys or shoes. 

  I made my way quickly to Kristen’s school, again thankful that we lived so close.  She was unmistakably upset as she got in the door, threw her stuff in the back seat and slammed the car door.  She started in on me right off the bat, “Mom, I can’t believe you were late to pick me up again!  All of my friend’s parents came to pick them up and a couple of them even asked if I needed a ride.  It was so embarrassing!  I told them that you were already on your way and must have gotten stuck in traffic.  What’s wrong with you?  Why do you do this to me?”  Right now, I felt like the worst parent in the world, not to mention, that I still felt sick and barely able to concentrate on what I was doing.  I calmly replied, “Kristen, how many times have I been late to pick you up?  How often do I give your friends rides home when their parents can’t make it?  Honestly can you count on more than one hand the number of times I’ve let you down?  No, you can’t.”  To which she smartly replied back to me, “Well I can count 2 times in the last 2 days.  You’re wracking them up pretty quickly aren’t you?” 

  I didn’t feel up to fighting with her right now about it.  I sighed and said, “Kristen, I’m sick, I feel like crap and my head is pounding like someone is doing construction on my skull.  I am sorry that I have been late twice to pick you up.  Please accept my deepest apologies.  I will make it up to you.  What do you want for dinner?  You pick anywhere you want to eat and we’ll go pick it up.”  I didn’t add it was more for my benefit because I was ready to crawl back into bed as soon as we got back home, but I think she already knew that.  She of course picked one of the more expensive places to eat, called ahead and ordered her food.  I handed her my debit card and she went in to pick up her food. 

  The drive home seemed to last forever.  As soon as we reached the house, I gave her the keys and told her to go unlock the door; I didn’t want a repeat of the morning’s episode with dropping my keys again.  As I walked into the house, I tried to seem normal.  I asked her how her day went, to which she replied, “It was great, until you forgot to pick me up.”  I didn’t feel up to have this argument and was dead tired.  I replied, “Again, I am sorry.  I am sick and I’m going to go lie down in my bed.  Come get me if you need anything.  I love you.”  I shuffled my way down the hallway to my bedroom and collapsed onto it, only to fall into an immediate dead sleep.

How it all started

  I never expected my life to take the turns it has and brought me to where I am today.  The twists and turns and the roads I have followed have all led me to who and what I am today.  I’m not quite sure where I should start my story at, but feel that just writing it down will be therapy for my soul.  I’m a divorced, single mother of a beautiful and intelligent teenager.  I married (and divorced) all before I was even old enough to legally drink.  We have lived many places across the US, returning to my hometown in California after my divorce and then to Arizona to get a little distance from my parents.  It’s safe to say that I needed to be able to stand on my own two feet and be a parent to my daughter with less interruption from them.  We’ve lived in Arizona for nearly 7 years, in a suburb of Phoenix.  I’ve been the PTA mom and always involved in my daughter’s schooling, while working full time and trying to get a degree (I need to set an example for my daughter).  Life has thrown us many curve balls and sometimes we do very well and sometimes not so well, but I guess that’s just how life goes. 

  I’d like to say that’s where my story begins and ends, with me being a mother and just living a normal life, but it’s not.  Being a single mom makes things a little difficult and sometimes when I have time to myself I can tend to let loose and just have a good time.  That’s where all the trouble started. 

  One ‘girls night’ when a couple of friends and I decided to go out to a local dance club, I guess I let a little too loose.  It had been an exceptionally busy month, with lots of stress, so when I unwound a couple of drinks turned into more with added tequila shots.  This really cute guy kept them coming all night long and paid me lots of attention.  I guess you could say I was in the ecstasy bubble of being his center of attention and when he asked me out to breakfast when the night was over I jumped at the chance, telling my friends that I had found another ride and would talk to them in the morning.  To their credit, they tried to talk me out of it and even tried to drag me off with them, especially since it was very uncharacteristic for me to be acting the way I was, but I insisted and went anyway.  I told them my daughter was at a friend’s house and I didn’t have to get her until the next afternoon, so I was going to enjoy my night of freedom. 

  I’m not one who goes off with random men and am usually pretty standoffish when someone pays too much attention to me, or tries to move too fast.  Going off with a stranger that I just met is something that I would never do.  I don’t even like internet dating, because I’m always afraid that it’s some serial killer trying to find his next victim.  So going off with this guy was just insane in so many ways.

  I remember getting into his nice black Mercedes with the tinted windows and all of the bells and whistles.  He asked which restaurant I wanted to go to for breakfast, because after all I had drunk that night, I definitely needed to put something in my stomach, to help soak it up.  I even remember going to Denny’s and eating pancakes and eggs.  When we left the restaurant, he asked me where I lived and drove me home.

  When we got to my house, he asked if he could come in for a night cap, of course I said yes.  He had been a perfect gentleman all night, opening doors and paying for everything.  As I unlocked the door, I started thinking that I didn’t really have anything to give him to drink.  I slipped off my shoes by the door and dropped my purse on the table and walked towards the kitchen to look in the fridge to see what I had to offer him. 

  So glad that I found some soda, a bottle of wine and a couple of beers from a BBQ I had the weekend before, I turned around to ask what he preferred, only to find him standing right behind me.  I wasn’t really alarmed, but quite calm about it.  That’s when everything went blank. 

  I woke up the next morning to the phone ringing from my nightstand.   I was in my bed, under the covers still wearing the clothes I had on the night before.  I had a horrible headache and felt as if I had hardly slept.  My daughter’s voice came across the line, “Mom, what time are you planning on picking me up?  You said noon and it’s already 1.”  I rolled over to look at the clock only to discover it was indeed 1.  I told her I’d be there in 20 minutes, rolled out of bed and changed into a pair of jeans and t-shirt and ran out the door; the whole time trying to recall the evening before. 

  After picking up my daughter and apologizing profusely to her friend’s parents for being late, I went through the drive-thru, to get her some lunch.  She was mad at me and showing it by giving me the silent treatment.  Which of course wasn’t a problem because my head was still pounding, but was a problem when I tried to find out what she wanted to eat.  Finally she gave in and told me what she wanted, I decided to stop by the local video store and pick up a movie for us to watch and have a ‘lazy day’ for the rest of the day.  I told her we could just spend some quiet time together and she could pick whatever movie she wanted.

  Later that evening, when I went in my room to change into my pajamas, I noticed a folded piece of paper on my nightstand.  Thinking this whole time that the guy was a one-night stand, which I have never done before, and constantly berating myself for allowing such a thing to happen (even though I didn’t remember what happened).  I quickly strode over to the bed to sit down and unfold the letter, hoping that it was a note saying sorry for leaving me, but I fell asleep and he didn’t want to wake me, leaving me his number to get a hold of him so we could try a real date. 

  His number was on the note alright, but it was definitely not a note I could have ever imagined.  In an elegant scrawl, the note read, ‘I had a great time with you last night.’  At that first sentence, a wide smile broke across my face, which was quickly replaced with a scowl as I read on.  ‘I hope you won’t be alarmed by the changes you will start to experience, but to be honest, I couldn’t help myself once I started and then after I had drained you almost completely dry, I realized that I could not leave your daughter motherless and gave you some of my blood to keep you alive.  We should really get together and talk about things, so I can fill you in on everything and what the rules are.  Your life will be drastically different now, but don’t fret, everything will be ok.’  It was signed only with a “C” and a local phone number. 

  I sat on the edge of my bed dumb-founded and alarmed.  Was this guy crazy, or did something happen that I don’t remember?  What the heck was he talking about?  I tried desperately to remember the events of the night before and every time, I remembered opening the refrigerator door then turning to find him standing right behind me and that was it.  It was like a black void for the entire time after that leading up to the phone call from my daughter.  Leave it to me to bring home a crazy guy and not remember anything that happened.  There was no way I was going to call him, it would be too embarrassing to admit that I don’t remember anything, even though I am pretty sure nothing could have happened; I had woken up fully dressed.

  I was pulled from my daydreaming by my daughter yelling for me to hurry up so she could start the next movie.  I joined her in the living room with my comfy flannel pajamas, pillow and a blanket.  I would be an early night for me I had to recover from my previous night, whatever had happened to me the previous night anyway.